Have you ever laid on your bed at night, and just cried? Cried because you’re ugly.You counted all your flaws from head to toe, to punish and feel worse about yourself. Cried because the comments people blurt out, actually hurt your feelings. Cried because your family is dysfunctional. You don’t want to be a burden, so you bottled it all up

Tuesday 18 December 2012

Sky be strong

Assalamualaikum, what a gloomy day we had. Sky be strong for me.  Its 12.12.12, ramai yang gembira, not for me. i do hate that date seriously :( Busuk have leave dan bersama a cute girl. Padan.  Dulu, I wonder kenapa data phone si busuk ni off. Then, sekarang aku tau. Its okay, well never mind.
That morning, that tweet make me sad. Just sad. Busuk mintak maaf sangat, then aku pelik. Kenapa mintak maaf sampai macam tu sekali? Midnight of 12.12.12, ramai kena lamar. Bahagianya, that midnight, aku  terkejut. Sangat. I’ve read him and her tweet that busuk have ‘purposed’ that girl. I can’t sleep all the night. Hanya menangis and menangis.  Kenapa tak bagitahu awal awal? Kenapa buat aku macam ni? Perlu ke tipu aku? All I have that night NOTHING.
My tweet, hanya nak sedapkan hati. Tapi gagal. Like seriously, aku terpaksa block them. Both. I’ve crying all day. Teruk kan? I know haa. Until, pepagi tu, Fariz, Adam, Azira pick me up to photoshoot. Diorang Nampak aku lain. Aku macam biasa. Aku monyok rasanya. Haha. Sampai azira tahu, aku demam. So, ke klinik, ambik ubat bagai. Ish. Ubat? 
Azira sleep at home that night. Teman aku, Tanya banyak soalan. All night aku pinjam bahu dia.nama pun pembocor rahsia kan. She told Fariz about that. Memalam Fariz call me and marah. Bernanah telinga. Bila dia ni nak berhenti. Then, I fall asleep, that night, Azira pegang BB. Buat ape entah, Gila. Demam makin teruk, then Azira call Fariz, bawak ke hospital pantai, Sungai petani. Kedah. Hospital. And, Azira bagitau dia dah BBM busuk, maki maki busuk.  Dia call me that suruh ke hospital, makan ubat, Allah, aku rindu suara tu. Astaghfirullah. Azira Alah, perangai dia ni. Tak habis habis. Busuk have BBM me. 
Dalam diam, I’ll try read his tweet, bukan ape. Uji diri. Aku still kuat, hoho. And now, I’ll follow their twitter, and I’ll make sure I’m strong. Ape pun. I’m not strong enough. Kenapa dengan aku haaa. Gila? Orang lain punya kut, buat ape aku berharap lagi. Aku lebih lebih nanti menyeksa orang lain. Aku taknak. Biar aku sedih. Sorang sorang.  Busuk lebih bahagia with her most than me J
Well aku rasa That’s okay  enough dari kacau orang lain bahagia. So, aku sorang sorang. And I still, tunggu BBM dari busuk. And most, tunggu call sampai sekarang. Dulu, paling mahal bagi aku menangis. Sekarang? Murah sangat. sekarang, aku Cuma boleh baca sweet tweet diorang. Walau sakit, alah, sakit sikit je J
I’m just his friend, bukan sape sape, tapi aku sedar, buat ape aku nak cemburu? Buat ape aku tunggu harapan dari dia? menangis tak bermaksud lepaskan tekanan, tapi untuk aku, menangis tanda aku lemah, kalah. Small wishes only and I really hope I can make it with you. With you.
‘Debok’ I do Miss that word. Sangat L
Can’t continue this post while, I’m just crying. I can’t stop.  Assalamualaikum

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